“The College Virgin” is a column that originally ran in the UWM Post. Due to policy, once the anonymous author graduated, she could not publish her work for the platform anymore since she was no longer a student. The column will now run in GoldDust Magazine.
Well, well, well… it was about time I blew the dust off this old, scandalous column. If you don’t know me, allow me to introduce myself. I am the fabulous, wicked, cunning and risque writer of this column, The College Virgin. My name? Well, you know the famous line… that’s a secret I’ll never tell.
This column is my dating diary filled with wonderful and tragic stories all relating to dating, sex and dare I say, love. I say wonderful, because they are all near and dear to my heart and are in fact all true. They’re tragic because some of them ripped my stupid little heart right out of my chest, others are just tragically embarrassing. I can guarantee you will relate to them all in some way or another. After all, we’re all just trying to get through dating in one piece.
If you do know me, welcome back. I am so happy that you’ve stuck around through the silence and found me on this new platform, GoldDust Magazine. A lot has changed in these past six months. This column was previously featured at UW-Milwaukee’s student run newspaper, UWM Post. I am forever grateful for the Post being my first literary home. But, this is bigger than myself, bigger than you can ever imagine. This column is being revamped. This column is flourishing. This column is dripping with eagerness for you all to read and love.
I mentioned that a lot has changed since my last entry, and it is time I fill you in. First, the obvious, I am no longer in college. This is why there was a six month disappearance from me. When I graduated college, I took the column with me. Now we are able to really explore the depths of my stories without limitations. I hope you’re excited because I know I am. Now I’m able to tell you the feeling of cold teeth gently biting down on my earlobe while a masculine hand grips my soft, upper thigh. How this feeling had me questioning why I was waiting to have sex. How I wanted to take someone’s clothes off in the florescent lights of my bedroom just so I could study the curves of their body. See my point? Enough of that, I have to save the juicy details for later. However, I hope you’ve come to understand as to how this column just became a little more racy.
Less PG-13, more rated R.
Second, the word “college” in the title of this column isn’t the only label that doesn’t apply to me anymore. That’s right… the V-Card has been swiped. The cherry has been popped. The deed is done. Any other ones? There is always at least one joke made when someone loses their virginity. We’ve either been the one to say it, or we’ve been the one hearing it. I remember one person said me, “feel any different?” I thought that was an interesting one. I expected that maybe I would, but I didn’t really. I also love the classic “Nice!”, as if I have just conquered something big. I mean… technically… I did. Ha, see what I did there? Even though I am a not-so college virgin, this column is still the College Virgin and I am excited to have you along for the ride.
We should get started, we have some ground to cover. First things first, the first time. He was tall, handsome, and really knew what he was doing…
To be continued.
XOXO,
College Virgin… Not?
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