Being a virgin into my early twenties was not always my plan.

To be honest, I really didn’t think of sex much until sophomore year of college. I was just kind of waiting to wait, no true reason behind it. As I met more and more careless men throughout college, I started to tell myself that the first time I had sex was going to be with someone I loved and loved me back. I stuck to that for quite awhile. I dated a few different people for an extended amount of time and still never “gave it up”. I liked the guys and I was definitely attracted to them… but I just didn’t want to have sex with them. Maybe this was because I wasn’t really emotionally attached to them. Or we can look at my life like it’s some sort of movie and I was really meant to wait for the guy I did end up losing my virginity to.

Who knows, but let’s get started.

The first time I had sex was definitely with someone I loved. I’m talking head over heels, heart shattering in love. Now, whether he loved me back is still up for debate – might always be – since we never exchanged the big four lettered word. While maybe I let my virgin self down in a way, because we had never said “I love you”, it was definitely with a man who I knew cared about me. Maybe that’s all I really ever wanted, because there was no regret the next morning, the day after, or even now. It was slightly unconventional for a virgin though. I say this because I knew for a fact that I wasn’t going to be with this man for forever. Actually, I knew that I probably wasn’t going to be with him for more than a few weeks past our first time having sex. Yup, that’s right. The virgin gave it up to someone who wasn’t going to be sticking around. Is your imagination running wild yet? Sorry to say that I’m going to delay the real story for just a little while longer. A little literary foreplay…

Is your imagination running wild yet? A little literary foreplay…

We met in the warmth of summer, when the sun hung in the sky till the stars came out. All I could think about was finishing my final year of college and starting my post-grad life. So, to be honest, when he asked me out for drinks I was reluctant. The first time I blew him off, making up a small excuse as to why I wasn’t available. He was persistent though, so we made plans for the following week instead, a Friday, 6:00 pm at Garage on Brady Street.

I pulled into the parking lot across the street at 6:07pm. There was a black car next to mine, and a tall man exited the vehicle. He approached the parking meter, and I watched him intently to see if I needed to pay too. I studied every part of him. Noting first the defined bicep muscles, then his broad shoulders, finally the strong stance he took – his body appeared to be in real good shape. I soon realized that it was him, my date. He removed his sunglasses, reading the meter more closely. My cheeks began to flush as all the blood vessels in my body rushed to the surface. I could feel my body temperature rise as my attraction to him grew stronger.

I spent the entire night trying to get my body close to his. The smell of his cologne stung my senses the entire night. His hands grazed my upper thigh and lower back a few times throughout the date. His touch paralyzed my body with desire. I envisioned each date and touch felt this way as it took five fucking dates to kiss one another. That’s right… five. Honestly, there was a part of me that started to wonder if the sexual tension was all in my head. Were we just friends? Every date leading up to our first kiss was had some unbelievably sexy vibe to it. First the thigh grazing, then a gentle breeze in moonlight outside of Good City Brewing blowing hair in my face — he gently brushed it out of my face so he could “see my beautiful smile”. Melting yet? Well I sure was. I was dripping with desire. Staring at his lips from across the dinner table. Kissing him soon started to be all I could think about. He had completely consumed my thoughts in a short amount of time, something I had never experienced before.

Our first kiss was after a movie  night at his place. We spent four hours and two full movies casually intertwined on the couch of his apartment – where he lived alone, might I add. I had purposefully dragged the goodbye out to allow him to swoop in for the kill. We continued to tell each other what a great time we had, the typical awkward non-kissing goodbye. His hand reached for the doorknob, and my heart started to race. Looking at each other for a moment too long, I leaned in. His lips were soft and plush against mine. I could feel the rapid beating of his heart as I placed my hand on his chest. Moving his arm down to my waist, he pulled me closer. Softly squeezing at what I would call love-handles, I wanted his hands to continue lower. He had a gentle strength to him, a strength that I wanted to see more of. I pressed my body against him and lightly tugged at the back of hit cotton t-shirt. My nails ever so slightly digging into his defined back. I started to bite at his bottom lip, I had completely forgotten the fact that we were in a public hallway where some had a front row seat to our first kiss. I had to control the lust that was taking over my body. I walked away that night wanting him more than ever. I felt a desire that night that I had never felt before. Call me crazy, but I knew that he was going to be the one I lost my virginity to. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that story soon. You can handle some teasing, can’t you? Until next time…

XOXO,

College Virgin