It would have been 3 years today. But you’re selfish and took everything we had away.
I loved you.
I still love you.
With my whole heart.
Feelings don’t just shift overnight.
But over a period of time they fade.
I guess that’s why you’re not in love with me anymore.
I want to apologize for the things I have done,
The things I could have done better.
But it’s foolish to put the blame on myself.
Because it wasn’t me.
It was you.
I was a fool in love.
Blinded by the fake white light that shined out your eyes.
Those blues eyes that melted my soul.
My soul that is now crushed.
Crushed into a million microscopic pieces that I will never be able to mend together again.
Pieces of myself that will be forever on the ground.
On the ground that is full of trash and dirt.
Because you are now the dirt that fills my veins with mud.
Mud that is clogging my insides and causing me pain.
There is no antidote that can slowly kill these toxins and release me from your thick coat.
Because that’s what you are.
A coat over my old self.
A self I have been missing for quite some time.
I never knew i missed her.
But right now, in this present moment, i need her.
Exposing you for the true abuser that you are is the only truth I will tell.
The only time I will waste.
The only tears I will spill.
I never want you to know that I cry over you, because you don’t get to have that power anymore.
For I am me.
And no one deserves me other than myself.
Did it feel good to push me around?
Did it make you feel like a man to spit every insecurity I had in my face?
Did it make you feel powerful to have your hands around my throat?
I danced with the devil and it was a marvelous time.
But as Harley Quinn is to the joker, I was just your punching bag.
Actions speak louder than words.
You would say how you love me, and would protect me.
But what is protection when you’re scared of your knight?
And after this dark night, the sun will shine its brightest.
Because my light no longer needs you.
You dulled the color in my cheeks.
My pretty smile no where to be found.
The hot showers that hid my sobbing eyes.
The sleepless nights, only to toss and turn in search of a new thought.
I was always told to “kill them with kindness”.
But how can you be kind to the devil?
You are the epitome of judging a book by its cover.
Just a free spirited lad, trying to have a good time.
But underneath that lie, a hideous narcissistic monster with an ego too big.
You took your knife and cut into me.
Cut out and curved into I bled out.
Exhausted.
I fell.
Again, only to be criticized by you.
“You’re so lazy”, “you make my house look like shit”.
How do you expect me to be super women when you stripped me of my power?
Literally snatched up.
I would have given you my arm if you would have asked.
Because I was willing to do anything to get another taste of you.
You were my heroin.
An addiction I never saw coming.
An addiction I am now alone to beat.
I am once again an empty white canvas.
My colors were black and grey when I was with you.
But now they are to be replaced by gold.
Because just like an Olympian,
I’m training.
Only to take home first place.
To take home the prize.
Just as I will be to someone other than you.
Selfish you were to throw your perfect trophy away.
Because once it’s picked up,
It’s never to be replaced.
So don’t come crawling back, when you’re settling for silver and bronze.
Because you had gold,
Gut were to careless to polish the stains and make it look like new again.
As dumb as it is,
My body aches for you.
The constant burning sensation in my chest is a daily reminder that you were real.
Not a delusional dream.
No prayer, or witch curse can make me forget all the damage that has been done.
It’s a hole I’ll have to let scab.
So don’t come picking at the dried up blood.
Because you’re a vampire that always needs just one more quick taste.
As my body slowly,
But surly,
Becomes numb to the thought of you,
But surly,
Becomes numb to the thought of you,
The images in my head stand still.
The picture perfect couple in all its glory.
“I thought you two were going to get married?”
Isn’t that a sad sick joke?
All the names and places we had picked out.
All to be flushed down the drain to this date.
I’ll try to replace you with words,
But no word can describe the feeling of emptiness i have now that you’re gone.
I’ll try to replace you with places,
But no place will feel like the warmth you once gave me.
I’ll try to replace you with things,
But nothing can touch my soul the way you did.
All I have left are the pieces that somehow still stayed in tacked.
And that alone proves to me I can stand on my own.
I don’t need you.
I only wanted you.
As the day slowly moves to night.
My own feelings will slowly begin to fade.
One day, I too, will no longer be in love with you.
And on that day, I will know I have won.
Because I dance with the devil and lived to sing the song.
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